Wednesday, November 26, 2008 @ Desensitizing myself
"Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming"
-Welcome to my life, Simple Plan
Aren't you sick of emo-ing everyday??
Haha
Look at the bright side. The more I get hurt, the more I'll get desensitize my own feelings and heart. The more numb I will be.
Ever heard of these words before," The higher your rate of rejection, the highly successful you will be"? I forgot where I read it from but lets discuss about it.
The higher number of rejection = higher number of experience
Higher number of experience = increament of wisdom
Higher level of wisdom = most appropriate actions taken
Then again, should I play with fire? Should I find trouble? Should I find tragedy when I'm already happy?
Haha. it looks much simpler in maths than real life.
I've been catching up with sleep these few days. In fact everyday. Reach home, put my bag in my room and sit on the sofa. Mr Sandman will then happily come and put sleeping sands. This cause my to deprive on my food intake. I'm really got heavy sleeping debts to clear. Haha.
"When people are lame, they love to blame.” - Robert Kiyosaki
Tuesday, November 25, 2008 @ I need to recharge.
Its been awhile since i meet up with some positive people. Their words are all motivational. I was naive then when I was thinking that they are only talking in terms of business sense, but in fact it applies to everyday life. Everyday situation. Everyday problems. I wish to meet up with them soon. Catch up with things. Go rock climbing or play futsal again.
Ok. Guess what. This week I'm not working except for sunday. It really got me when I got the news. It never happen like this before. Anyway. I hope I can make use of this holiday period to do something beneficial. Like cover up for my CE points or meet up with people I long to meet.
I'm broke till the last cents.
"You are still the same." Someone told me this before. Sad but true. I'm not taking a step further. Still lingering in my comfort zone.
I need to get out of the comfort zone. Like NOW!!!
Message to sunshine: I wish you all the best in making your decision. Whatever you decision is, work it out until your goal is meet. I'm here if you need me. I'll respect your decision even if it hurts me the most. All I want is to see you happy. This is my only request.
Thursday, November 20, 2008 @ Metaphors metaphors
I came across this sentence in one of my class. Cognitive I think
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."
-William Shakespeare
I hope that settle some of your thoughts about me.
Anyway, I'm glad to get the warmth of sunshine after November rain. (metaphors again!)
I think I'm in love with metaphors. See how it brings colours to the things we want to say =)
When I look into your eyes I can see a love restrained But darlin' when I hold you Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever And we both know hearts can change And it's hard to hold a candle In the cold November rain
We've been through this such a long long time Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line I could rest my head Just knowin' that you were mine All mine So if you want to love me then darlin' don't refrain Or I'll just end up walkin' In the cold November rain
Do you need some time...on your own Do you need some time...all alone Everybody needs some time...on their own Don't you know you need some time...all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart When even friends seem out to harm you But if you could heal a broken heart Wouldn't time be out to charm you
Do you need some time...on your own Do you need some time...all alone Everybody needs some time...on their own Don't you know you need some time...all alone
And when your fears subside And shadows still remain I know that you can love me When there's no one left to blame So never mind the darkness We still can find a way 'Cause nothin' lasts forever Even cold November rain
Do you need some time...on your own Do you need some time...all alone Everybody needs some time...on their own Don't you know you need some time...all alone
~//~
These were the words that I wanted to tell you last night.
Browsing through the text messages, I felt guilty for my actions. I do not want a minor misunderstanding to be the cause of losing a great relationship.
"I'll just end up walkin' In the cold November rain"
Monday, November 17, 2008 @ Thnkz fr e mmr
I felt better after the run.
Things are not getting better. I should have been well prepared to get hurt again. I should not react but to respond appropriatly. See who is suffering now??
Like they said "its my fault". I accepted the blame. =)
Sometimes, I wonder what the hell I'm doing. Sometimes I just feel like walking away. Sometimes I remember what I told myself in the past and wonder why I'm not doing the things I said.
Thanks to all that help me laying out my thoughts. Thanks for giving your point of view. =)
I do not want this to happen but if you want it that way, I guess I'm powerless. I think I'll walk away.
@ Let go. Hold mine
It was occupying my sleepy head at work and it really did bother me till now.
The phrase "...i'm not ready..."
Someone told me this "If you are not ready now, you will never be ready tomorrow. Not even 5 years down the road".
Why are you holding on to the past when the hands that I want to hold brings me to a sunny tomorrow?
Its not your past that I want. Its our future that I dream off.
Let go of the past. Break the barrier. Hold my hand. I will bring you to somewhere we belong. Somewhere the sun never sets.
All I want is you.
Saturday, November 15, 2008 @ Stop worry and start working
"Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can.But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything."
-- Mary Hemingway
A nice inspirational quote. I should learn not to worry. If I want something of my desire, I should work hard to get it. Worrying brings nothing but a bad feeling. In fact, it is a bad feeling. A feeling that I am always in. A feeling that I'm not happy with. And that feeling doesn't makes things better. Unless you response to it.
For example, if you are a religious person (I know I am), You are really in need of money and you worry about not having enough money for daily expenses. You keep on worrying and worrying and pray for money. But your daily life is at home bumming, and also worrying about money. Do you think God will personally ask one of his greatest Angle to knock on your door and give you all the money in the world? Unless The Almighty owe you a favour, I do not think so.
I'm not saying that God is unfair or there is no such thing as God. However, God gave you whatever it takes for you to earn money and it is up to you to make use of it.
So instead of you worrying and start DOING, get a job, WORK, at the end of the month there is something to look forward to.
Well, even if I understand the logic and the concept, I still have to learn and fully apply in my daily life. I just started to do it. Just because it is something I desire and not lazy.
Knowing you is unbelievable,
Falling for you is unthinkable,
Holding you is unforgettable,
Losing you is unforgivable.
I told myself that I will do what ever it takes.
Thursday, November 13, 2008 @ This little things
Life is a rollercoaster. Fast, thrilling, ups, downs and twist.
Currently I'm pretty shagged. School, work, training and private life.
Understanding Test is like a weekly affair. Have not been studying for them. Last UTs was a disappointment. Lessons are getting taxing too. Everyday come to class, doing ridiculas problems. Having ridiculous Faci (only applicable to some). Sometimes I don't even feel like coming to school.
I'm pushing myself to work. To earn more. There are somethings that I have to pay, things I have to get. Expedition trip, expedition equipments, bills, food, transport, travelling. WAHH!!!
I have to train for future expedition. Twice a week is not good enough. I know. I have to push myself.
I've been pushing so much for the needs that I don't have time for myself. For my love ones. I promise my younger brother to play twister with him. He had been wanting to play since Sunday. Now I do not know whether I can keep the promise.
No matter how little I spent my time with you, I really appreciate those little time. This little things that brightened up my day.
Thank you for listening to me last nyt sunshine.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008 @ Lost and confuse
Some things are better left unsaid.
However
If things are left unsaid, it does not give any assurance.
Now I'm lost and confuse.
Dearest Almighty, please show me the light in this winding road.
Monday, November 10, 2008 @ Packed week
This week is one long weeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk.
I'm in school and I feel like dozzing off. Weekends was at work.
Looking ahead for this week schedule. Mon training. Tues, Wed, Fri ,Sun working. Thurs, Re-plugged concert. Sat will be bbq with SG. Wahh!!
Can I have time to spent with sunshine?????
Reservist cancelled. Haha. I called them earlier and tolld them that I had went through ICT in June.
Eh! My school vacation starts on the 13 Dec. That means I will pon from 6 onwards due to going Jakarta.
I kinda feel lethargic to go for training.
BMG? =)
Friday, November 07, 2008 @ Is it that bad???
Is the manpower really that bad, or their admin sucks???????
Reservist AGAIN??? That will be 2 ICT in one financial year. Luckily I was in the reservist office during my first year of NS life. I know their loopholes. hehe. Anyway, their timing also so good. It takes up my whole of December. From 9 to 26. WAH!! No Christmas la!! Dammit.
OOHHH!!! I know, its because of School holiday period and Christmas.
Now my long awaited holiday to Jakarta and Pulau Ubin are being threatened. I'm gonna make sure I get my deferment even if I myself is on school holiday! Infact they are suppose to recall me only once a FINANCIAL year (from April to Mar) I already got recalled in June. Not even 7 months got recalled again.
YOU KIDS BETTER DON'T MAKE ANY TROUBLE!!! ESPECIALLY THOSE LIVING IN YISHUN!!!
Tomorrow back to work. I donno know how will it be tomorrow. I heard there are alot of new guys, especially those from the close down store.
And I already start my personal training. Ran 7 Km in 45 mins. Sheila was there to accompany me. Thanks dear.
Today's Inspirational Quote: "You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow oldbecause you stop laughing." - Michael Pritchard
@ With me.
TGIF!!
Anyway, Weekends will be at work. Woodlands is like my second home town. School, work, friends, hang out spot are located at woodlands. haha. Even SunShine lives here.
Today maths was something so unexpected. Haha. Something so logical can acheive to solve the problems, but we are too engross that we do something so so wrong.
"I don't want this moment to ever end.
Where everything's nothing without you. "
-With me, Sum 41
Wednesday, November 05, 2008 @ learn a lesson
I should have listen to the wise men. "Only fools rush in"
Lesson learnt.
It is as if I do not know you. You are different.
Maybe I do not know you enough.
Whatever it is I hope you are happy. Without regrets.
@ What is your defination of Happiness??
Innocence.
Waking up I see that everything is ok The first time in my life and now it's so great Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed I think about the little things that make life great I wouldn't change a thing about it This is the best feeling
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by
I found a place so safe, not a single tear The first time in my life and now it's so clear Feel calm I belong, I'm so happy here It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere I wouldn't change a thing about it This is the best feeling
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by
It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming It's the happiness inside that you're feeling It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry
It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming It's the happiness inside that you're feeling It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry It's so beautiful it makes you want to cry
This innocence is brilliant, it makes you want to cry This innocence is brilliance, please don't go away Cause I need you now And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by
This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay This moment is perfect, please don't go away, I need you now And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by
-Avril Lavigne, The Best Damn Thing
What is your defination of happiness?
Being self indulge with your own piorities in life and be rich, famous and acheiving your dreams? Doing things that makes you owned? Being an ego b*stard and a selfish showoff?
or
Making others smile even you are the one crying? Putting others before self? However by doing so you are putting yourself at the losing end.
Looking at it again, there are bad points of happiness.
So is happiness truly happiness or is it only temporary?
Maybe I should ask myself what really makes me happy.
Hafiz: So Hafiz, what makes you happy?
Me: When I'm down, I'll pick up the guitar and strum a few notes. Get the blues away.
Hafiz: Isn't that emo?? How can that makes you happy?
Me: Well, it relieves everything that bothering me. Let it all out from within. At the end of the
process, I feel light and it put a smile on my face. And who knows it might be the next top hits on the radio, haha
Hafiz: I see, what other things that makes you happy?
Me: hanging out with best friends and buddies. Listening to their nonsensical. It makes me burst out laughing non stop. I miss those days when I could not stop laughing. Having my family around also makes me happy. Especially with my little brother. Just love to play and mess around with him (evil laugh)
Hafiz: So friends do play an important role in your happiness ya?
Me: YERP!! They may not listen to my sorrows, since I prefer to keep it to myself and the one who really knows me well, but they will always hear my laughter.
Hafiz:Does acheiving something makes you happy?
Me: It does. It proves me that I am capable of acheiving such feat.
Hafiz: How about being rich and famous? Does that makes you happy?
Me: To a certain extent yes. Being rich will strike off all the financial problems and worries away. When money is not a problem. Furthermore I can bum my ass anywhere without worrying about money. However, what is the point of being rich but no one to share the great wonderful life with? Money is not everything. Being famous is good because every living soul wants to be acknowledged and recognized. It makes you feel a sense of importance and a job well done. But being famous might result in plenty of flash lights and noises. I prefer a peaceful life, like calm sea with stars on the black velvet sky.
Hafiz: So you not a materialistic kind of guy huh?
Me: Nope. The stuff that I bought is a necessity, not luxury.
Hafiz: So can I conclude that interaction with people is more important to you then material.
Me: Yes. The people around me are important for my happiness. Without them, I won't be here.
Hafiz: Thank you so much for your time. Its nice to know you better.
Me: Your welcome.
~//~
Now, ask yourself these questions and know yourself better and know what is your true defination of happiness. =)
Tuesday, November 04, 2008 @ Mt Tahan. Conquered.
I wAnt to go back to Mt Tahan. I want to get out of the buzz and sounds of Singapore. Get out of the boring routine life in Singapore. I want adventure. Adventure with best friends and BUDDY!!!
I miss those starry nights, cold winds and pure river water.
Do not worry about me little sunshine. You are a great friend to be with. You already know why I was upset. Read your post again. =)
I'm back home from the expedition with RP ALPS team. It was a blast man. It been a long time since I went back to nature and do things out of my comfort zone. And not just that, my mind and will power had also been tested.
But at the end of the day, I've made it to the top, that is only half way of the expedition, and went down safe and sound.
The happenings is in bullet form below.
First time taking train
Too many times I was inches away from death
Got blood sucked by leeches
Water never tasted so good
Puddle of mud up to my knee length
They call it the toughest mountain in Malaysia not for nothing
Got my last kiss goodbye from the sting of a bee
Mentally and physically challenging
I'm not prepared and underestimate the expedition especially the weather
Many got sick and injured, but i got excluded.
Experience the wonder's of God's creation
Sunset and sunrise from the top of the world
Stars are everywhere in the dark night
Almost missed the train home thankz to ramli burger
Emo-ed on the way back home
Pictures will be up in a few days time, I wasn't carrying my camera there.
Reach home, clean up, washed up all the stuff and spend some time with dearest ones who I had been missing for 4 days. Family, friends and sunshine.
"A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high; Full of the single greatest commodity known to man, Promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile and in her soul.. and the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay."
-Great Romances Of The 20th Century, Taking Back Sunday
Introduction!
Hello!
This is my blog (like duh);
JusT anoTher matured Kid with tOo mUch dreaM aNd WithoUt No PaSsIon to achieVe...
RocK ON!!!
The reflector
His name is Muhammad Nur Hafiz;
Currently studying in Republic Polytechnic March the 6th is his day; iPod-ing is his obsession.
He is currently ATTACHED TO MISS SUNSHINE
Msn: zorro1822003@hotmail.com Hafiz Fizzy's Profile Create Your Badge
I wAnt to go back to Mt Tahan. I want to get out of the buzz and sounds of Singapore. Get out of the boring routine life in Singapore. I want adventure. Adventure with best friends and BUDDY!!! 
